im back with a twist

2009-08-14T22:15:00.008+08:00

yeappp. im outta here. its rotten.
bye suckers! suck soccer balls dickheads!
Reason Why Im Outta Here

any comments on tumblr?
write here.

i dont entertain haters.

2009-08-10T14:28:00.003+08:00

i want you more than a friend

see how funny that sounds when i already had you... HAHAH!

2009-08-10T13:40:00.000+08:00

Every inch of muscle i pull, trying to get up every morning without feeling so jaded. deep inside this hollow heart, im trying to figure out the things i should be doing. it doesnt attract any or my attention what i would want to do. i just want to know if i would variate, being somebody that i want to be... have i accept deception, become true to myself or be the same person sealing fright of future pain? i want to know if i would be enduring the pain, from you or anyone else, without cowarding out, or would i want to fix it? it doesnt occur to me what this words or lies might mean to me. all i know is im different than anyone else. everyone is. theres no duplicate of us. what i've learn, theres change in the world. it happens every second of our lives. each movement we make, we make another difference. each mistake we make, another lesson that we'll learn. its part of life trying to figure out whats right and whats wrong. its part of life, that some people are faster than the rest. does it occur to you that life is unfair and all you can do is change yourself? realise the better, change for the better. all i know is that we have to make the best of ourselves. do not waste the opportunity you can make for yourself. because you control, who you want to be. it only adds a bit of luck to your change to make it recognizable. also a pinch of love and support might lead your way.

make it a lesson that i've learnt.

2009-08-07T23:28:00.004+08:00

yea, i dont know whats up with the internet. its either facebook is stupid or my comp is. cause i cant reply comments. and somehow, my facebook is not blue. sad. 'Crestians Got Talent' was cool today. especially the Zahfran and Nazri. Shila came to me talking abt them. Shila knows my seeeecret. Both of them are super adorable. i would want to make a massive science experiment combine both Nazri and Zahfran together den become the most alienied creatures of the planet. yeah. but with hott voice lah.

so, i head to art class to do art. dang, that sentence is so cliche. yea, i shall repeat tht everyday in my life from now onwards. cause, i have been doing my art everyday after sch. even if it means National Day Celebrations. yea. so i finished it. yea. left final touch ups. i just want it done. those days of smelly toxicating fumes of arcylic paint is over. well, still... i have to paint shizz. i got paper two. hey, that sounds really redundant. paper 2 for art. anyway, yea, had brunch with Miss Marina. yay. but seriously, had serious deep conversations with her. never did that to anyone. amazingly, it went smoothly with her. It doesnt feel suckish talking to her. i seriously had alot to say. i think she realised that.

i fling a bug and it came back to me... love bug! but serious, a bug literally flew and landed on my hand. shooed it away, but it came back! sweeeet nyerrr. just dont mate with my hairy hands.. wrong man, my hand is not hairy. anyway, i havent had enough sleep yet. and im gg to school tmr to do art. (really, im making it an important quote of everyday) yea, i've finished but touch ups must be made. National Day is in two days. Monday is a public holiday. the holiday is publicise(?) hmm, weird. anw, my phone is spoil. so if i neber reply. or late reply. yea, blame the shiz. ist at fault not me.

one unemo entry! yay!

2009-08-05T20:54:00.001+08:00

Malam Nisfu Sya'ban.... you know how happy i was when i found out that its Nisfu Sya'ban?!
I WANT TO GO CHARLES&KEITH! GOT 30% OFF!!!! What i want to buy? SHOES!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHH!!!!

OR

i just realise there is a feminine side of me! hahaha! pretty right the shoes??? i want to brag my parents. hehe. oh yeah... N levels are in less than 32 days from today alreaddyy. gosh. oh yea, art is progressing well. lelawa gilerr andand i very ngantok. my parents refrain me from drinking coffee laaa. everything is hectic now. got lectured by principal just now. was nice listening to him just now super wakeup call. no kidd. alot thot it was a waste of time or sth. eating recess time, but, not really. need to revise today, and tomorrow and tomorrow... AND tomorrow. oh yea, i bonded with mum like crazy today. and i super love her for telling me her secret. hehe. mother-daughter bonding will never fail to be juicier everytime. hehehe. oh yea. im in a relationship with Marie in Facebook. HER IDEA! hahaha! get well soon darlinggg. theres is always sth wrong with you tau!

2009-08-01T23:35:00.006+08:00

some things arent

meant to be told

neither should you keep any of it.
secrets out. i dont know what should i really feel now.
-.- confusion stage: 16,589,843

2009-07-31T23:18:00.008+08:00

hoping for the best, just hoping nothing happens,
a thousand clever lines, unread on clever napkins.
i will never ask, if you don't ever tell me,
i know you well enough, to know you never loved me.
Social Studies Prelim was today. &everyone elses starts on the 12th. last night, my parents and bro asked why didnt i study. i did. only 3 chapters. then was too weak to study. which btw, today is my third day being sick. too weak to go to the doctor... back to where i was, yea, lucky enough, thank god, the topic i studied came out in the paper. i had to write a bunch. classmates cry for not finishing the paper. well, frankly speaking, the source-base questions, big huhaa there. i wasnt happy with it. fact is i didnt do it the way i planned and also, i didnt quite understand so much of the content. which explains why i boderline passed my Prep Eng Paper 1, i wasnt focusing. and yea, i didnt finish the paper too. it didnt bother me much though. no reason why. but i think i did well enough. though, well enough is not good enough. lighter note, i really am just glad its over.

Speaking of which, malay oral flew by a day ago. it wasnt that bad. but i think the teachers didnt bought my story. frankly speaking, i think overall was bad and disappointing enough that i will stop explaining after this sentence's fullstop. other then that, my plans for the weekends is to just study and do art. i got my last exam for religious class this sunday. lets just hope i dont coward out again. i know the rest of my friends are not coming for sunday's class. that lightens my level of embarrassment. i'll do it after class. cause i'll be the only girl. which obviously means being leftout during class. they'll just going to attempt bullying me again. damn.

Oh, btw, may i say, throughout today, sadly, somebody was still in my mind. Nothing else really matter. the whole day i was thinking of the same person like how i did everyday. even when i was conversing with my chem teacher. but, the other side of me just really wanted to occupy my mind. got back home at 8pm. it was really dark...the last hours of my day was enjoyable and crazy because everything was finally carved under my skin. the ignorance was well recognized. there wouldnt be any knocking anymore. at least for now. lets just say i wont expect anyone. i prefer distancing myself from things now. you see, "its never bad enough to just leave and give up, but its never good enough to feel right."

yea, thats all i have to say.
(i dont like how im feeling now but i dont want to stop thinking of it.)

2009-07-28T18:26:00.002+08:00

so basically, i just reached home. bathed but not eaten yet. time check, 6.29pm. hmm, art after school led good news and bad news for us. so, we have exactly less than 4 days to finish our canvas. so, the good news is that, we diedie must finish it, and when we finish it, we can concentrate on prelims! and hooray no more canvas! but, the bad news is, as soon as its done, we got paper 2 for art n levels. and theres prelims and n levels to study while at that. and my MALAY N LEVEL ORAL IS THIS THURSDAYY!!! i just got this disgusting feeling whenever im in the hall in the verge of approaching the examiners. oh yeah, my oral is held at greenview. the sch full of green martians walking. no, joking. im just scared of that sch. not much of a friendly-welcoming school to me. btw, Social Studies prelims this friday. it seems like im procrastinating now. but really, im just resting. i just got back. people know how fast i travel...

for instance, the other day. i was suppose to meet chian at coffee bean at 4.05pm. so, i headed home at 3.40pm, changed, ate a bit... den met chian at 4.00pm. you know how much of a flash i am? hahaha! no, really, what im trying to say is, im not procrastinating. i got all planned out in my head to what im suppose to do today. and tmr... and the following days... so on, and so forth. yea.

P.S. crazy things can happen after 3 hours of painting. oh ya! finally saw Liyana today. adorable girl of mine!

good luck O and N level students! also those who are having common tests. ^^

2009-07-27T20:29:00.007+08:00

Actions Speaks Louder Than Words
I didnt kept my promises. I kept telling him I loved him but yet, I never act as though I did. Im not worth his effort.

you know, if thinking of it makes me feel worse, telling it to somebody made me feel worserr. but it has already made me realise my mistakes. its all marked and tattooed under my skin. now you have your motive achieved, i hope you're happy. cause i know i wasnt worth your time.

Marie, honey, please realise, you will finish your final years with us. your parents love you more than we do, all this are just the littlest things that makes you realise that, you shouldnt have put the entry out. because it might put a bad name to your family. which is what your dad is trying to keep up at all this years. he might be a distant to you. but, in the heart, deep down there, he is always closer to you inch and inch more. reminise the nice things he has done to you dear, the love he has given even when he was away from your family. even when everyone else wasnt there beside you. you even told me how wonderful your mum is when she tried talking about boys. look. the little precious things not all parents do. bond. love your parents okay? they are trying to help you realise your mistakes, thats all. they love you dear. im here to lend an ear. ^^ i love you Marie.

P.S. i will try end the emo posts soon. (hahah! you think i didnt realise, 3/4 of my entries are all emotional)

2009-07-26T19:50:00.007+08:00

the adrenaline rush just lurks in between my veins and conquered my heart.
i loved it.
movie with Chian, Kimmy and AhBen. Shauna tagged along after the movie. had fun actually. got minimal pictures... but will update soon. also, realised that somethings arent meant to be forgotten. because those are the things that makes me happy. and also, Zahid made me realise that i dont always have to be a good person... seems like theres another Nadiah in me. thanks Zahid. School starts tmr. and Prelims are around the corner. this friday actually. wish me luck!! going to try my hardest. btw, can art just end?? please. leceh liao.

2009-07-24T22:29:00.004+08:00

The road goes and

I am finding home in it

im just a bit lost.

2009-07-24T21:11:00.007+08:00

TODAY WAS WORTH MY TIME! was out the whole day... just got back home. time check, 8.45pm. WOOHOO! finally, burden off the shoulder... PrepWork for art, its DONE. yaaay! &thanks Chian for listening to my doubts and stories. we skipped and skipped alot of stories. really had alot to tell. i love you Chiannn! i dont have to keep everything inside anymore. i can at least tell somebody how i truly feel about this other person. relieved to the maximum! i got to know, realise, ALOTTT of stuffs today. &yea, i nearly fainted in the bus while with bro... didnt ate the whole day. now that i am eating, i cannot stop. oh yea, helped bro look for birthday card. never once have i went out with him. bonded. with bro and Chian. Harry Potter on Sunday!!!!!!!!!!! with Chian, Kimmy & Chian's friend. yetttt, dang it, i miss you... big time. guess la who eh. i dont want to mention his name also. the whole load of movies we used to watch... the generous you, to treat me all the time, the rigid moments of choosing a seat, the shoulder to lay on. gosh, wow. i miss you fucking much. wish to tell you personally, but i know you wouldnt care. no use, you wont feel the same way. he's enjoying life big time. might as well dont interfere. well, like Chian said, i cannot do anything already. =( Well, it doesnt hurt to think of him right? i dont know. whatever it is, trying my bestest to occupy my bloody time.

P.S. I CANNOT WAIT TO WATCH 'UP'!!

2009-07-23T23:30:00.002+08:00

cockroaches are infesting my room. raiding i believe. i dont get why i already found two in my room. to be frank, my room is as messy as anyone elses. more neater i guess? but really, its not that messy. except the portion near my door of my room... there are two boxes one of them filled with loads of plastic bags another with vacuum stuffs, and there are stacks of books beside the boxes. for your information, one of the cockroach, woke me up 4.30am in the morning a few days ago... how? it crawled up my leg... you know how fucking disgusted i felt?!! i wasnt cautious at that time... cause really, it was 4.30am in the morning... i picked the cockroach up, thinking it was a tissue. after feeling it for a while, i felt legs and minor movement. i didnt believe it was possible to have cockroaches in my room either. disgusting as it sounds, yea, there are cockroaches in my room. i really wish i wont find another one. anw, the second one i found struggling on the plastics next to the boxes. im removing the boxes and plastics... changing my bedsheets... cleaning my desk, removing the old&used books. yea. the only thing that is in a mess is my desk. yet no cockroaches there. where are these things coming from??? from the boxes itself?? seriously, im not that disgusting. infact, my brother's room is worse than mine. its unfair and embarrassing where cockroaches can be found in a girl's room. now thinking about it, and posting it, the whole world might start thinking that im really untidy and messy and just plain disgusting... but no, im not. i whine to my mum for not throwing the old books and boxes. so much for saying "i will throw it away"... when mum??? when? i dont want to be touching another cockroach again. seriously, i do not want to. im freaking out big time right now... i used to enjoy killing them. now i just plain disgusted by them.

no more cockroaches please.

2009-07-20T23:33:00.001+08:00

She loves him more
He loves her more,
Seems like they won't ever let each other go,
Laughing and kissing it's a match made in heaven
Behind the rings on their fingers
Imprints the ink deep in the inner
That has stained their souls together now
Stained soul mates forever now
Seems like they've made it to the other side where the grass is greener
And the sky is always blue
And it goes on forever and ever but there is only room for two
Deep at night I'm awakened from my dreams,
Next door, yelling cries mercy she is begging please
"Don't end my life you're all I need and darling I will never leave"
And then she prayed on her knees.

2009-07-20T20:00:00.010+08:00

when everything starts to burn in you,
you'll start to be crazier than usual.
Cormac McLaggen!!!
my new hottiehotthottie that i can at least stare at everyday.

conclusion to prevent brooding,
note to self:FUCKING OCCUPY YOUR BLOODY TIME!

2009-07-19T19:50:00.011+08:00

I love you forever, but forever is over.
why is it so difficult to not think of someone who used to love you, even just for a while... i mean, they are gone right? they dont love you anymore. all because of the lies, the flaws and the gap. why is it such a backbreaker to face facts? if that person just dont want to be with you, they need their space, plainly they hate you. why is it so fucking rigid to get that person to tell us how they feel? and they just leave things hanging. i cannot get rid of the littlest sweetest things that person has done. then, we are acting like nothing happened. what are we now??? really. am i suppose to act like the relationship never happened too? its really stinging. i mean, im probably wasting my time. i mean, the crucial period is just around the corner. and i have something hanging in my heart, which, plainly just hangs there for show, i guess. i dont know. i dont want to know. all i want is, to have things to be clear... so, its either, i have hope, or just give up. come on, who am i kidding? i dont even know how truthful this person is, sadly.

well, i just really hope it will be clear soon enough. i cant bare the hollowness at all. im not that strong. i can hide despair, but i cant hide you away. its unconventional now. its not the same anymore. you just shine brighter than anyone.

yeaaaaheh, lifes a dick. but sometimes, you just dont want to let go tht littlest things that made you feel loved or heartbroken. saaad...

2009-07-19T02:26:00.004+08:00

i love this song, Cobus just made me love it more!

you can never predict the future, but be wary of your steps

2009-07-18T00:00:00.004+08:00

i miss blink 182. &this is dedicated to people who miss people. =(
yup, it sucks to be missing you...

2009-07-17T21:12:00.009+08:00

SIGHS OF RELIEVE BABY! ITS THE WEEKENDS! i've never felt so happy before. bloody hell the week was rough. next week is another roller coaster. exam papers was doable but i want to do better. not lying... i studied till 1am okay! im starting to enjoy history and physics. AMAZINGGLAAY. congratulations Nadd. anyway, maths paper was the most shitty this week... im sorry, i just suck at maths. so having maths tuition next year. art dateline is like less den 8 days. blarrdy hell! well, i already felt a bundle of guilt from ms chuaaa. nearly regret joining art. troubling the teachers only. but whatever la eh. i need to pass my subs. prep plate 4 and 5 are in progress... YAY! pretty big papers. fyi, i didnt brought back my prep. due to some kecoh conflicts and sabos. canvas is only 15% done. -.-''' this shows how laaaaazy Nadiah is aye. yeaap. i know right, less than 8 days... can make it meh? see how. god already knows what will happen... ;) possibility of dropping art... well, i tried my best yaw. cant say i'll be happy. but too many to cope. maybe dropping art might lighten my load. i dont know... im sleeping early today. art class tmr. im trying my best to work doubly hard here ok...

i really dont know how to please people... i know im not suppose to. but they seem to rely on us without being reasonable. blaming us for the wrong things? wanting us to pity them whenever they brood over things... so we have to tolerate their attitude always?? no return of favour?? get rid the sarcasms please. we have too much burden to carry... the threat they've gave us, the pressure. HEY we are feeling it. we broke their established ways, because we want to please them enough that we finish their orders earlier than expected... not everyone are perfect. and hey, not ALL people have the privilege to have the patience to tolerate the intolerant. i bet you cant bare with us too. please... giving the cold shoulder?? how stereotypical can people get? then now they talk to the people they used to bad mouth about? hmm, stop being a hypocrite.

seriously... i cant please this kind of people. yet, im the type of person that never fails to feel so guilty. i have been noticed by this. yet, i cant do anything about it.

thank you mum for lending a listening ear.

p.s. latest fave; drake. listen to his album, 'so far gone'

2009-07-16T19:27:00.005+08:00

mulutku berbuih setelah puas membebel
tentang perkara yang mengesalkan.
aku tak sampai hati meneruskan bekerja keras
jikalau akhirnya aku tak akan berjaya.
aku rasa amat bimbang.

2009-07-15T17:13:00.005+08:00

There were sounds in my head
Little voices whispering,
That I should go and this should end.
And I found myself listening..

Cause I dont know who I am, who I am without you..
All I know is that I should.
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you,
All I know is that I should.
Cause she will love you more than I could...

She who dares to stand where I stood.

See, I thought love was black and white.
That it was wrong or it was right,
But you aint leaving without a fight,
And I think I am just as torn inside.

I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call,
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all,
But you taught me how to trust myself and so now I say to you...
This is what I have to do.

yup, missy higgins' the best.

2009-07-14T21:53:00.005+08:00

Cynical

days will repeat itself this time
everyday is a stressful day.
be ready and plan your steps. be careful.
good luck graduating students.

2009-07-13T23:31:00.018+08:00

please get well soon dad,
we love you very much.

dad is really sick. and he and mum recently just came back from the hospital, its 12.10am now. yeap, im still reading a malay novel since just now morning. newsflash, it has been two weeks plus, and i still got no mood... and its time of the month, sucker. i dont want to be a woman! its pretty much troublesome. &i have been doing art everyday, taking a break and bringing back prep tmr. i am too tired.

anw, have you ever felt like telling somebody how you feel towards them SO MUCH, desperately. but your gut demands no? and whenever you're holding the phone, you expect the same anxious expression you usually get when you recieve a text msg... but you know its not that person? and you are also eager to ask how that person is doing... and just wish that everything was like the past? knowing all that, yet, your strongest gut denies you doing anything about it... well,im facing this shit...and i swear i hate this feeling... i dont find a reason why must i be merciful. either way, that person wont feel the same way anyway.

have a nice day people.

2009-07-12T22:18:00.002+08:00

shitted twice, farted repeatly
its seriously not my day! HAHAH!

chips in the morning...sweets and cookies in the afternoon. mee goreng for dinner plus gassy drinks...and more cookies of course. i've been eating alot since last month. anw, first madrasah exam today, yeaap, forgot to study! no time. fuck homeworks. but, it ended up well. easy questions. YAYY!

my mondays will suck. theres too many subjects on one day. seriously. manymany, its like a whole load of subjects for the day. so, constant change of classes. move here move there. :P sucker. im not bright i tell you. i get really kanchiong if things just weigh on me.

i need more food. i know im gaining... but i really eat ALOT if im depressed. cant say i am, cause im not. just pretty much a little stressed. alright its time to quench my thirst and devour food down my throat. yea, got stomach ache, still dare to eat. hahah. ala, stress mahh, growing woman. HAH!

2009-07-12T14:31:00.002+08:00

im merely in need of anything now.. sucker!

no reason why most of the time i have single sentences in my blog. i barely go online. so, if i could use the comp even for just a sec, i'll just type in short sentences and super summarize wht i did fr the day. hahah! have fun guessing? i guess?

btw, good luck for those who are taking prep exams! im super packed!

2009-07-09T19:35:00.002+08:00

I HAD A FUCKING BAD DAY!

the next person who dares tick me off... i swear im going to scream!
i've already tried keeping up the positive mind.
i've had enough shedding tears !!!

god... help me...

2009-07-08T19:11:00.003+08:00

If only there were no competitors...

2009-07-07T18:43:00.001+08:00

i had stories to tell...

2009-07-05T21:57:00.002+08:00

whatever you do...
DO NOT ANSWER THE DOOR
&DO NOT TALK TO STRANGERS.
SERIOUSLY. the worse will happen.

p.s. thank you zulhilmi for replying last night... ^^

2009-07-04T20:58:00.002+08:00

code red(?)

madrasah exam starts tmr, im struggling with art... im finishing both homework and art by tmr(aim!!). escape on late monday afternoon!! YAAY! thank you luqman and marie for making it happen... we cant, in any way, cancel this plan. cause we booked the court. badminton here we go! i want to tire myself till i cry laughing or just cry. i need to pick up the little pieces back to my life. i must stop brooding over small things that are bringing me down right now. the stress is already building up. common tests are coming in two weeks time. N level oral are coming next week. gosh, tension & pressure!! can anyone help me with malay oral?? seriously... pleaseee... *cries*

i can feel it alright... the fucking stress right on my shoulders.

2009-07-02T21:20:00.002+08:00

let see. i have a decent entry to post.. i think?

lets see, the expressos that are taking the O's are all above stress limit because their oral are within this two weeks. and the O's are super around the corner. amazingly my oral is all over next week. and im taking the N's. its FUCKING around the corner. can i clarify for the last time right now, im in NORMAL ACADEMIC. it has already ticked me off big time that people that are close to me, will ask the same question over&over again.. "you taking your O levels this year right?" well, the answer is, "NO!" i know it seems like im taking O's in some way you people might thought. but no. I AM IN NORMAL ACADEMIC. thank you.

hahah! &yes, N level is stressing me from my veins in the brain to every part of my membrane. it has not only stress the Expressos for their O's. We too. i just found out that Normal Technical have their formulas on their Nlevel paper itself for physics. you know how lucky they are? i am at my last nerve memorizing every ink of formulas from maths to science. see how lazy i am? and the pressure from mum and the other students in my class. it nearly brought 80 percent of my confidence down, enduring to every inch of distinctions, As, instant-hand-raising-answers, big 'yays' from the super smart a**es in the class. you know how much is it they are doing? and how much am i doing? i have been left back... waaaay back. and i cannot stand the pressure. my loss? DUHHH! and whats with comparing? is it that important??? really, its just bringing people down. and STOP showing off. and being too modest and loud about it... it doesnt hide any ego in you. so, shut up! im jealous? abo? then why the fucking god am i complaining that this smart asses are scoring and working sooo hard?! how are they doing it?

you know what have i always thought this smart alex's do?(not only referring to classmates.)
take super 5 spoonful of coffeebeans and swollow them raw, instant sleepless night! boost yourself by exercising every morning at 6am, you'll feel refreshed and kick start with your studying after having a cool bath! drink more coffee that morning itself, dont forget your protein bars! take a quick break to eat lunch, or maybe make your mind rest by reading a book by the window! the chirping birds might help you ease every page you read. then continue studying till dinner, dont forget your 5 minutes break after each subject! after having dinner with family, of course, study again! its fun huh! hell yeah! and not forgetting, 8 hours of sleep and wake up at 5 the next morning! do the cycle! everyone is doing it!

righttt... its nerve wrecking. whoever does that for their life.. *coughscoughs*(i know a bunch human beings who does this) good for you successful smart asses. die good too kay? the fact that this people just study every sec of their life. they just meant to be human robots. never will get bored. well! good for you! *sarcastic tones and thumbs up* sucker.

im done.

P.S. my art is not done yet btw. Canvas barely half way. NO colour scheme. No mindmap. LACK of first hand observations, pictures, opinions, decos. im doing my prep starting from tmr... ^^ YAY! only after finishing my homework (*full of sarcasm*) suck balls stress juices!

2009-07-02T18:44:00.007+08:00

this blog is nearly dead.

He's out of my life,
And I don't know whether to laugh or cry
I don't know whether to live or die
And it cuts like a knife
He's out of my life

So, I've learned that love's not possession
And I've learned that love won't wait
Now I've learned that love needs expression
But I learned too late

Damned indecision and cursed pride
Kept my love for him locked deep inside
And it cuts like a knife
Yeap, He's out of my life

free will of computer; happy 10th birthday PRCS

(technically, its 9... really.)

2009-06-28T00:57:00.004+08:00

"in a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. in a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. in a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe"
- Michael Jackson

2009-06-27T23:56:00.011+08:00

"The quickest way to ruin a relationship with someone is to actually try to have a relationship with them."
-taken from Mariah's blogg

something happened to me the day before. and it brought me crying my lungs out continuously. i woke up to my alarm clock. noticing that there wouldnt be the same 'good morning' from the same person. there wasnt the same morning smile that i would have. i went through the day just listening through my playlist. in the car, in the cinema, at my cousin's house. though, Transformers made me feel better just by abit. the fact that watching moving/talking/transforming machines make me have adrenaline rush. yup. but the fact that there is an empty seat. it made me miss him more. then, headed to get my cousin's present at this VERY girly shop. got myself very striking pink earrings that says 'N'... well, got it for free actually. hmm. yeap. den went to heeren and saw this...
the fact that i was in a bad mood. i really felt like having a punching bagg. or basically somebody, anyone to kick and punch at. yupp. sadist. ;) well, i actually asked dad if he would allow me to kick and punch him. he said, no, of course. -.-''' well, then, headed to cousin's cribb. khairina's birthday. anddd... heres the cake...
and if only i had this cake when i was 8... wow. it'll be the best 8th birthday everrr. and, yea, i just had to make myself better. and as always, when i am stress.. I EAT ALOT. But it left me feeling too full. ergh. so, Lee, Hanis and Me ended up camwhoring for awhile. because, my parents wanted to go home early. bummer. though, they made me laugh... ^^

N: jom buat muka fierce
(takes picture)
*N laughs*
N:okok. take another one, this time make face like Lee!
*three of us started laughingg again*
N:kay wait! must chill first. no laughing.
*all serious face*
(finally took a matrep picture.)
this was before we planned to make face like Lee.
this was after
yeap. i ended my day just typing this post. school reopens in one day kids. get ready your school bags, calculators and thick text books. because more stress is coming your way. (mcm advertise gi skola.)

2009-06-26T19:17:00.006+08:00

~~you&me~~

what we had is all gone.
simply said.
i'll miss you.

2009-06-25T18:58:00.003+08:00

the truth hurts, but telling lies are worse. i've open my mind and told you facts. but i end up embarrassing myself. big time. the end is near, i can sense it. should i continue living a lie or finally be mature abt the whole thing?? i regret my actions... i detest, disgusted and laothe of myself so much right now. i cannot do anything to change your mind. EVEN if you say its possible. its not that i dont want to try. I KNOW it wont work. its BEYONG THE BOUNDS OF POSSIBILITY. then if you think that the friends will always be there even if they say they will... i believe you're right. i'll befriend you if you think its right... cowards give in. im scared of you. i cannot stand the drama. im going fullout on you now. you can walk right out on me after that. i wouldnt want to show the true feelings about you. cause you always see the outside of me. hah! im super screwed and fucked up big time. now i really know that i am ass, a nincompoop, numskull, sucker, dimwit and an idiot.

2009-06-25T00:53:00.003+08:00

im believe, im hardly worth your time

2009-06-24T23:21:00.005+08:00

i hate seeing the same plastic halo hanging on your head. pretending to be nice, when theres a whole lot of shit you feel about me. you have some nerve...

2009-06-24T16:25:00.005+08:00

Stupid motherfuckss. its all shiz. if theres anything that rings in my mind, its the same motherfucking situation. beats me, the world is dying, of course.

P.S. the pandemic is not over yet.

2009-06-21T23:43:00.003+08:00

HAPPY ABAH'S DAY!

my dad rocks harder than your dad yaw!

dad was cute today, he thought,
that we needed to pay $$$
to have a facebook account. gosh.
he is starting to love the games in facebook.
roccck on dad. rock on.

2009-06-21T17:19:00.002+08:00

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

p.s. fuck off nigggaaaah!

2009-06-21T15:11:00.007+08:00

"when its my problem,
it doesnt necessarily has to include you"

the reason i post it, is to tell what im feeling. to imply how stubborn i am. and IF my bf feels that im playing with his feelings. he shouldnt... cause he shouldnt care. he should know me that well... how insecure, pigheaded, selfish, derangingly hesitant about almost everything in my life. and if it includes him just replying me an 'ok' in a text msg it will lead me to a full range of insecureness from the brain to my veins thinking that he is not happy with me! note that i state that i'll regret posting the post... it will be MY loss. if you dont understand that, then dont comment. and also, i've already said i dont know how to build a relationship... im really not good at it. yea, beats me. now, i've fallen to something that will spoil someone elses feelings. my fault. yea, because im madly in love with him so much.

"stop playing with your bf's feelings pls..."

yup... such comments. bby, if u're reading this. im sorry if i was playing with your feelings. but i really have no intention. and u shouldnt feel that way. i didnt even know u would read it. who ever commented on this... yea, u can shussh now okay?? if u care so much abt my bby... u can take care of him..

im done here.

2009-06-20T15:02:00.005+08:00

this two are my bestfriends since primary school. its been long since we've met. and supposedly that day, i was suppose to go out with my malay classmates. so since i only had 10 bucks in my wallet, i headed to meet Syas instead of hanging with malay peeps. wasted. yet! i had big fun with the Syas. its been really long. 4 years since we've hanged out. too long babes. we'll be hanging out again soon though. ^^ both of you have been really missed by me for so long. ahahah!! another outing again please. and about miss marina's outing... do another one! i dont want to miss anything this time, even if im broke. sheeesh.

enjoy the pictures

2009-06-19T21:51:00.009+08:00

"If i could open up my heart and let you out
then I would never have to sing your name aloud again"

i've been having sleepless nights over and over again. something IS bothering me real bad. all i know, all the voices and words that appear in my head have led me sleeping through the noisiest night ever. i tried my best falling back to sleep, washed my face, drank water, changed clothes, jumped up and down, well, whatever i did... it didnt help. i kept thinking of the same thing over again. and left me pouring tears instead. had to talk to someone that same morning, but, i know everyone else was asleep. wht i feel right now, i know exactly what i mean, i really mean it. but im too fucking coward to release that particular feeling to the person itself. all the seriousness i've been helding back... i've never had deep conversations with him. never revealed how i really felt for him. i dont know how he feel abt me either. i dont know how to do this, i dont know how to build a relationship. i know im bad at this, but i really need him badly. pretending that everything is okay. when everything is secretly hiding behind the hedge. what forr? i always want him there, but its actually me who couldnt be there for us. then, why the heart melting smiles? why the butterflies? why the misses? why the insecureness? in the blood? i should be lucky that he even cares for me. lucky to have the company that i need. lucky that he'll be there, but without me returning the favour. without me knowing how he truely feels about me. it feels like he is having a relationship with no response. i dont deserve every inch of love he has given. even if i love him back. those same words, those same voices that repeats everytime whenever i feel something is wrong. the same feeling i am trying to keep. when theres no worth of any kind trying to keep it inside. the same, even thinking of it. i just hope that i hadnt had this feeling at all. cause its really a pain in the membrane. i feel like giving up.. but its not worth giving up. im just stress . the pressure im getting from my parents... the peer pressure... and the school pressure... art pressure. fuck pressure maayn. &yea, and i purposely never leave any lines so that ppl who reads this, will get bored half way and go off to another page. ;) and also, i bet eventually, after i read this post repeatedly... i'll regret posting it. so, yea, im damn screwed and confused. i'll kill a jew one day (no offence, just an inside joke)

2009-06-17T18:04:00.008+08:00

sweet pea!

met zullie just now. hahah. simply said, we look damn simple. got to meet him is heart melting and a big relief. too stress and pressurizing at home... popular spree and guitar picks ;)

THINGS TO GET/DO BEFORE SCHOOL REOPENS:
- liquid eyeliner
- blusher
- black mascara
- a watch! (orange or black, still deciding on a brand...or no brand)
- new HAIRCUT! (NEED! to trim. i want my hair be longer.)
- finish up assignments, revision!
- get new clothes (i dont have the money at all)
- get to seattle or manhattan (? not possible!)
- kill someone (anyone to suggest??)
- get started painting on canvas << i know im too slow.
- collect wacky photographs with both syas.
- find the ability to wink.
- finally have a decent hairband to tie my hair.
- get a new bagg (all of mine are torn, shows how tough i am nigga! (fierce))

yea, walnut coffee anyone? im thinking of donating blood... -.-'''

2009-06-16T01:28:00.008+08:00

TIME CHECK: 1.29am.

yup, aku terbangun!!! abih tak blh tido balik. punye geraaaaam! so, i've decided to look into old pictures inside my harddisk. &found gambargambar tersebut...

i actually dare to put this up. eheh, jgn marah kay. ni punye gambar super rare. we both RARELY take pictures with each other. asl? aku malas nak bawa camera. aku tau hp camera ada... tapitapi, aku slalu tak ingat laaah!

MARIE! remember this guy??? hahaha! she kept laying eyes on that guy behind her...

i miss kamuu duaaa!!

i just enjoy looking at this. HAHA. aku nmpk slenger. maaak tolong.

i miss you chiaaan!!

HAHAHA! I MISS THIS. this was at Melacca btw. muka sungguhh tak perlu.

si kecik yang aku rindu

PRICELESS. miss this. i look pervertic. masyallah.

this is my cousin, i wonder how shes doing. heard she got a good job... =( miss this too.

haaaad to put this.

thiss tooo.

ni dinamakn kita tuduhtuduh langit. but its still nice.

i miss the hairr! timetime scenekidd.

ohhhyess, i just feel like putting this. i look constipated alright...

itu di kiri, yess, its me. in every picture i took when i was a kid, my eyes was never on the camera.

ini, in the future, insyallah. skrg, tgh consider. muslimah.

bdkbdk zaman skrg.

the only picture i have with him.

uhh, yup, after school pictures. zaman kentalanzz.

aaah.. sec 1...

yup, thats all for now. i'll find more if i have. i've not been snapping. so, no new pictures.

2009-06-15T18:05:00.014+08:00

i wish im 18 and already, owning a car. i want to go shopping. like desperately. den get coffee while im at it. because im crazy for flea markets. =( i've not been to one, sadly, but i've heard of them.. @ red dot museum, @ river valley road and also @sungei road, pittstreet. its all around. its just that i dont know abt it! damn it i hate being slow... and it opens in the weekends. its the easiest way i could save my money. rather than acting rich and buying everything that interests me in topshop or GAP. i need to spent wisely. due to recession, my parents cant sponsor money all the time. grrr. and im sick of public transport. the wait is... ergh irritating. though, if theres traffic jams while owning a car... it would be irritating too. well, u see wht i mean right? travelling around in your own car... wouldnt it be easier and FUN!?? friends can tagg along... fact that i will definitely pay so much for my car. i deserve cheap sales in flea markets... hmph!

alright, so i went to the library today, study date yaw (ooo...) guess what, coincidentally, we wore white together. ^^ hehe. yea and we ended up playing 'guess who am i', yours truly sponsored the post it. it was fucking fun. ohgod Hitler is dead...(inside joke)
i think i've fallen deeper for you dear...
anyway, i finish maths, english and halfway through physics. im finishing my mother tongue today too. den im left with history, literature and chemisty. ^^ happy goober me. yea, going out this wednesday with my two darling SYAs(syahirah and syairah). den friday to the other side of pasir ris. O.o never been to the other side of pasir ris... im actually scared of pasir ris. god knows why... =(

i want to visit brooklyn and san francisco!! want to meet no one in particular. but i want to visit brooklyn for the bridge and those shop houses... where they sell vintage radios and cds, and those coffee shops with tall seats. san francisco to witness dance crews perform. =( i dont know why, i got this fettish for asian-american guys. maybe the fact that the way they speak are not equivalent to their looks. hahaha! its super solitary. RESPECT.

im off. im still wearing parkway drive t-shirt. CHEERS TO NAEM! and shoutout to pete hafiz, im afraid i cant meet u this summer dude. ni naem ngan pete gi skateskate smpai pengsan okaay?

i dont know why... but i just had to do this...
MISSES:
ZULHILMI (NI HARIHARI AKU RINDU)
ISYAHSUZIE
HAYATI
CHERRYBOMBERRY
MAMASUE
MAIE
LAT
CUZZIE LEEYAAAN!
HAKIMMOK
SYAHIRAH
SYAIRAH
APRILMARIEEE
MUHDPATRICK (HE SPEAKS MALAY OKAAAY!!)
CHIANMABITCH!
SUBHI (KAU DGN DIVA KAU TAK ABIS2)
MUHAYMIN ("MOOO~")
SHILAAABATU (JOM NYANYI LAGI)
JEANGREY (JOM KLUAAAR LAGI!!)
ABG TAUFIQ
NABILAH GABBY ("BIG BLACK MONSTER!!")
ZAHID (OI! MANA KAU HILANG?!)
LIZZY (LETS STEAL PIZZAS AGAIN)
AQILAH
SUFIAH
FIRDAUS
NAEM
ZAFRAAANAWAY!!
AMIR ANAK ABU HASSAN!!!(I WISH TO VISIT YOU IN KL!)

2009-06-14T19:46:00.004+08:00

STRIKE THREE! YOU'RE OUT!

Ask yourself the same question. the pinch of negativeness just strikes hard.
cant wait to get out of this house!!

2009-06-13T01:00:00.002+08:00

im off..

P.S. i miss you...

2009-06-05T18:00:00.009+08:00

short update
i survived my first high fever in my teenage life. HAHA. yea, and i really got no idea, how in the world i got sick that bad. i missed both thursday's and friday's classes and also one week of art classes. yea, i havent touch my canvas yet... im in deepdeeepDEEEEEEEEP SHIT. here comes 8am to 5pm of art classes... including saturdays? -.-'''' god help me.

i am promising myself to have a healthier diet from now own. having proper breakfast, proper sleep, proper exercise, proper in between meals... many suggested vitamins? yea, i'll try get as much as i can. ^^ 39.3 degrees is not my deal. im never getting that temperature again... it made me feel damn sickly. puked twice. it feels like SHIZZ!

so, i woke up at 12.00pm.. the cough syrup is super effective. so, i overslept. yea, like i said, i missed school. really regret getting sick. i know i missed new topics already. sucker. speaking of which, i slacked through essay writing on wednesday.
"if you cant finish it, you cant go home"
-quote Mr Shafie
i was dying to go home. so, i simplified the whole story of my essay into a typical primary school composition. no comments, i was practically suffering from the affliction.

i had rest from the drama in school. i laid out the things i want to do for my art. im really trying my best to finish it ASAP. & i need to excuse myself for a few days in between art classes to go study. no more fooling around. its time to catch up. hopefully, plans runs smoothly.

and also, to keep worries clear, my fever wore off.

2009-05-30T21:16:00.003+08:00

HIATUS

its hardly a holiday... sucker.
happy holidays people!

2009-05-29T19:55:00.006+08:00

yea, my life wont be like this adorable fur ball!! tsk.
well, PTM happened so fast. so, yea, it was kindda a hit-by-a-bus conversation. yea, and umm, happy 11th monthsary dearest. met zullie just now. ^^ miss him like crazy. and due to the hit-by-a-bus conversation... as soon as holidays starts. i wouldnt be able to use the computer... till after N level... so, i'll be off to 'hiatus'. story of my life... yea, mum is sureee mad at me.. =( well, bye internet hello thick textbooks.

HIATUS

HIATUS

HIATUS

2009-05-27T22:04:00.007+08:00

as i predicted earlier, just now at 12.03am that my day is going to repeat itself. it did. sucker. yea, it sucks. and tmr is the longest day of the week. theres Physical Education. 2.4km run. im gonna need some guidance. cause this mood right now, its so not going to make me run super fast like last time.

I HAVE NO STAMINA! I AM WEAK! and i am not afraid to admit that. ask me to run? yea, im gonna give you a smack on your face.. head.. and uterus!. i only run for my NAPFA and only if i want to. i just dont have the energy for now.

"AT LEAST YOU
DONT HAVE A WEENIER
ON YOUR HEAD"

yea, sad story...

anyway, yea, i've not been communicating so much with people. i really miss my boyfriend like crazy. i was online at 12.00+... den when i went off... i just saw him went on. and somehow, mum caught me still using the comp. so, yea, didnt get to chat with him. we didnt call... neither did we had long text msging sessions. its okay... i can be patient right? can i?

speaking of which, yea, im still tormented. more tormented actually. insecure. i really dont know what to do with myself. -.-'''''

2009-05-27T00:05:00.007+08:00

i'm tormented

should i worry?
hours ago was mundane. i've been really disturbed the whole day. felt like crying. but kept it deep. i had a ball of laughter just now. such a relieve for that second. but the same situation had to turn things ugly. i need to clear things for myself. i need someone to talk to. but i reallyreally dont know how to put this situation explicit. to be told clearly to even a stranger/anyone. if only god replies back personally...

i miss you Zul...
the day will repeat itself.
it already has...

2009-05-25T18:51:00.006+08:00

School was normal today. yea, slept through out after maths class, got brain damage. well, comsumed whatever i could for the first 4hrs of the day, then ended up sleeping when Mr Shafie assigned us with these 1997 N level papers. thank god he didnt realise. Jiat Mynn and Georgina spotted me sleeping. but my pen was moving. they know i tried to hide and showed that im doing my work. i kept falling off my bag while i was sleeping on it. -.-'''''''

after English was assembly, my mind was blank. i suck at paying attention. well, its only a dialog session for upper secs. while heading to our sitting place. Amirah came to look at me with a so-tak-perlu look. i was like , "what?" she then said that the way that i walked was so weird. i went to look at my feet and actually wonder why... one things for sure i was effing TIRED!!! then amirah went to tell Subhi... -.-''' Subhi looked at my feet and said, "mcm kene ****" OKAAAAAAAY? SOOOO UNNECESSARY!!!!!! tsk! im tired okay?

what did i do after school? went home. well, Marie stayed to watch the upper sec guys' soccer match. i went to say i'd rather watch my boyfriend play soccer... yea, no mood la babe. i kinda felt that i needed more time at home. WHEN THE TRUTH IS... i actually HAVE been at home for a long time. -.-'''''

yea, i didnt know what i was thinking. though, the exciting part about my evening was that, after doing chores with mum. me and my mum decided to switch on the aircon in my room... yea, it was EFFING HOTTT! so, i took the guitar and started jamming... THEN mum started singing. shes so ADORABLE TO THE CORE!!! i missed her actually... well, i know she has been the one who cooked for the family, the one that has been entertaining dad, the one that i always talk to when im feeling down and other mother daughter stuff... but i miss us singing together. she sang 'im yours' and 'after tonight'.

She sure made my day. LOVE YOU MUM!!
too bad she doesnt know what has been troubling me... i wish i could even explain to anyone.

P.S. hidayah, i really want to read yr blog, please take my email from my msn. ^^ love you dearest. you still owe me a hug for my belated birthday!

P.P.S i miss my boyfriend.

2009-05-24T19:54:00.002+08:00

the weather sucks these days. and i have been staying at home for like... yea, two straight days. life sucks. no wait, i already said that in my previous posts. HAH. well, what can i do right? nothing really happened during the weekends. but i read a book. im really lazy to study. i already put up to-do lists on my wall. yet, no progress. well, i have done my errands. yea, thats all.

i have left to mugg like a hardcore retard. and yes, i have to do my art regularly after school. i really have to start on my canvas right away. im still in plate 4? yea, im slow... slower than yr mum. Joking. anyway, sorry if i couldnt reply anyone who text me... i have run out of money to top up. yea, bankrupt. i still owe sufiah a present and $10. i suck. im so sorry sufiah for all the lagg. yea, lets say it again... i suck!

so i recieved a text from my cousin early this evening...yea, he booked us next sunday to watch Monsters VS Aliens. i believe it is just to get the 3D glasses? i want to watch the movie because of the movie... AND maybe secretly wanting the glasses. the last time i watched a 3D movie was Spy Kids. hmm, i might be too old to watch cartoons. but i love cartoons. yea, so basically, all my cousins are coming. hooraaay!! i think?

yea, i really have to clean my room.. i suck at cleaning. im only good at messing things up. sucker. yea, u know i am. and uhh, i facebooked the whole afternoon.

a question for you readers...
which is better?
Nike or Adidas....?
(please leave yr opinion in my tagboard...)

motive? well, a few friends of mine, and myself have been arguing about the better brand. as usual, no one sides me. everyone goes for Adidas. dont get me wrong, i dont hate Adidas... i just prefer Nike. oh, no offence for other brand lovers. but, this is between Nike and Adidas. lol! XD

2009-05-22T22:15:00.003+08:00

Dad said i was gaining. woahzaaa!! its a false fact! im growing! and im just 43kg. :P anyway, so, i said earlier to White Boy that i do not know what to post about... so, come to think of it i will post about him.

well, we met like around 10 months ago. we didnt literally know each other but we were in the same camp. yea, i already promise myself that i will never fall for anyone in the dreadful camp or even talk to any guy from the camp. met few of my old schmates and shit. honestly, i couldnt be bothered. all i want to do is finish the camp and get my rank. den, ended up having connections from camp mates in messenger... i know white boy then... at first i didnt even had a wee bit clue who the heck was he. till i had to ask a few of my other camp mates to confirm. yea, i didnt remember anyone. lol. that includes me not remembering how white boy looks like.

three weeks, we had known each other pretty much better. though, i swear, i could relate to him like as if we were friends like for a million years. he was a nice guy, he still is. he is still worth my every second. i couldnt ever figure how would my life would be like without him. one fact that i am not in the same school as him, yea, i really know that, even if he is not literally by my side, he is in my heart(cornyyyy, but true).

we met the first time some time after that, the embarrassing fact is that im in my uniform. i always look ugly in my uniform, so yea, my head implants, first impression counts. sucker la nadd! okay, so, the first time i looked at him, i started to flashback a few things about white boy. he was the one i talked/laughed about at the back of the crowd to my friend, he was the one who said sth about my presentation, he was the one with the specs, he was the one who was convinced to tell me to eat my food .... yea, alot was in my head while i laughed in my heart. he was adorable.

so after 10 months and counting, our relationship has been stronger. the particular impression i have upon him is deep. i like him. love him. adore him. everything that describes i care. he has taken care of my heart well enough, we had our ups and downs, people fight dont they? i dont see why i must stop loving him. so, yea, nothing can stop me. he is irreplaceble.

im just afraid that he'll slip away...

(i know you're reading this... ilyz)

2009-05-20T19:08:00.002+08:00

"Nadeeahhhhh! Your blog has exposed too much of our motherly love affair! *shy*
-Sue's blog.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ^^ its okay. i love my mama so much. and im proud of her!! LOL! yea, shes my mama. you fools are jealous? WELL, BE JEALOUS! *laugh hysterically*

------

today turned out to be fine. awesome actually, there was suppose to be talking session between me and white boy. but it was better. though, sorry for the insultation... trying to distract myself some way somehow. met chian and jesslyn and also white boy's group of best friends while we're at macs. good news, passed science and humanities. thank god!! allhamdulilah... failed abt three subs. maths and english was a big MAJOR disappointment. im working on it. also for Lit. my friends seemed to pass it like, no problemo. tsk.

2009-05-19T21:02:00.004+08:00

yea, life sucks i tell you, especially when no one agrees with you. individual instincts, they are always right. look, no prove, dont accuse. anyhoos, today sucked. like literally. results turned out to be massively disappointing... part 2 is tmr. congrats to whoever hoorayed like crazy just now. lucky bastards. still dare complain? other people are getting worse than u. anyway, its not the end. major examinations are next. yea, start mugging smartly, loser.

why cant an 18 year old be home after 8.00?? isnt it a little bit early for an 18 year old to be home at 8? yea, parents still give curfew? i think? fact is, bro didnt call home. home is such a "music box"... dad was worried cause bro didnt reply back. GAY much?

another FEW sucker of the day is that, the permanent gesture of a moody impression ruin the rest of my fucking day. i didnt catch 'angels and demons'. sucker. white boy thinks i dont need him. sucker. when i reached home early, it was so effing difficult to sleep. SUCKER! lastly, some porn site ruined my ability to see! FUCKER! i swear whatever was on tht video was unnecessary for human eyesight. now im blind, well not really, but i got raped in the membrane of my brain. its all so wrong!

today totally sucked!

is it that hard to ask for some company? when u trust someone to be there for you ... you want that person to be there right? when someone need you most, is it that difficult to say yes and just listen out? ppl might want an ear to listen and voice for advice, that person might get irritating sometimes... but what if that person really needed you? it has always been about her? she ditched you? both of you could talk the whole day. you both know you wont get to meet each other anymore after this week. why the "you-dont-really-need-me" reply and "you-have-your-friends" is always the reason. when obviously both of you know you couldnt bare without each other.

people still face difficulties trusting their loved ones. im not saying couples side of view. but parents too. its a huge permanent epidemic. its a serious epidemic that cannot be cured in centuries.

life sucks, i know. there are still people out there facing things worse than you expect.

2009-05-17T00:03:00.011+08:00

thank you!

Zulhilmi, Patrick, Marie, Surekka, Naem,
Nabilah, Hayati, Adrie, Muhaymin, Chian
for the advanced and 12.00am wishes.
and also, Hafiz, Hakim, Hidayah, Shaifudin,
Isyah, Sufiah, Wanyin, Liyana.
most of you boobs actually stayed up to wish me! ahaha!! awwwww!!
LOVE YOU ALL SOSOSOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
also to Cik Ani for the wish!
(tell me if i miss anyone..)
first of all, THANK YOU for remembering...
you people made my morning one awesome one.
i wonder whats next...

[edited]
went out after religious class.
got presents from white boy...
-2 nail polish from face shop.
-a red singlet from forever 21.
-a dress from his sister.
-a dress from max and more.
-a super "complicated" letter written by him with cute drawings!
(HAHAHA! white boy's a keeper...)
-had McDs for lunch at a super top secret place we found.
-overcome my fear of Jay-walking.
-saw him smile as wide as mine.
He made me smile wider than i used to. (hehe)

thank you Shila, Maizurah, Abg Taufiq, Maie,
Olivia, Mariah, Dina, Firdaus, Haidar, Munir, Farhan, Khairul
Syafinah, Sir Zulhilmi, Amirah, Khairunnisa and Syed Muhd for the wishes.

Special THANKS to MAMAsue for the post on yr blog.
im deeply touched.(sounds really wrong)

other presents, earrings and a card from Marie.
Birthday cake, Pizza, Donuts, Mee Goreng,
Snacks, love letters, all from parents.
(they want me to grow side and front ways, never up ways. yes, im gaining ppl!)

[edited]

well, im already 16, now what...?

2009-05-15T12:15:00.005+08:00

EXAMS ARE OVER FUCKERS!

now? waait for results. hope for good grades. as much as i dont wanna fail any subs, sad to say i will fail at least 3... it always happens.

2 days to my birthday, still i dont feel any enjoyment. its a sweet sixteen. i dont see how can it be sweet. cause i know it wont. cause i wont be doing anything. maybe go out? i dont know. so, marie and patrick told about bashing me. thank god to the tiptop, it didnt happen today. well, i dont know if they even wanna attempt trying to bash me. well, one thing for sure, thank god its not today. i really got no mood. and how in the uterus was Zul there? well, yea, i gave an expression of full 'what the heck' in an angry way. really, i didnt have the mood. so, sorry for not talking much. its not PMS. its just lack of sleep.

thanks marie for the advance present. but seriously, it DOES NOT feel like my birthday is coming. well, lets see when the day comes. plus, im still sick since last week. its coming to 3 weeks now... result for not going to the doctor...
might be going out tmr to celebrate my birthday or sth. i want swensens. ^^ hehe. bake rice..... its been 7months since i went to swenses. if im not wrong, on sunday im gg. afternoon. means dinner at swenses. \m/JYEAHH~! sheesh. its been long since i've gone out. except sch that is...

had no breakfast, had no lunch, now what? yea, my TGIF is turning out to be a hungry one. MIGHTTT be going out later? anyone care to join?

2009-05-10T21:32:00.006+08:00

MEET MORGAN THEN, his chinese malaysian. enjoy the video.

7 MORE DAYS TO MY BIRTHDAY!!!!
(come on nadd, 7 is still a long way to go...)
5 more days till Mid Years are OVERR!!
(really? nadd, go revise nadd...)

bye suckers! happy mother's day...
all the enjoyment still lead to a yo momma joke...
Your momma's so fat she can't even jump to a conclusion...
(i dont find this one funny)

2009-05-04T15:55:00.006+08:00

yea, this is the two guys from 3OH!3. goddamnit i love them... even if they're in underwear. hahaha!

anyway, today was Boring. the epidemic of swine flu is like really serious. yet, my classmates thinks its a no-no possibility that we would get it. well, i already got my coughs... its such ass tht if one thinks they got flu, IT IS swine flu. gosh. had to take temperature. will we really get the swine disease? god knows. so, exams are still going on this week. amzingly i actually have time to do this. i wonder why...

anyhoo, i realise sth about parents. they dont have to reasonable TO BE reasonable. that is wht im really irritated about. mum and me had a tiny arguement about actually not letting me talk as soon as i reach the doorstep of my house. dont know whats her reason but i literally find it massively unreasonable... to the paramount fact that shes wrong. i dont know, like i said, they dont have to be reasonable to be reasonble... *applause*

i really cant wait for n level and o level to be over. people are getting emotional just for not getting As or actually getting 20points for their CAs... was it CAs? i think. yea it is. hello! im worse. just do your best for the N LEVEL la! haiyo! im here trying my best to at least get my B3s/A2s back. those ppl are just bragging about how they cant make it. when generally/obviously/seemingly/surely/unquestionably they will SURESURE make it. just do your best la, brooding about sth that is over? i used to do it... but for now, its no use la. i know im suppose to be putting my fullest attention, consideration, focus in my mid years now... yea. to think of it i should... n levels are in lesser den 4 months. suck dick, damn im wasting time. i should continue mugging and getting ready for Nlevel now. stop delaying la nadiah!

*whispers to self*... "follow yr schedule/timetable...."

IDOLS

2009-05-01T14:41:00.003+08:00

KRIS ALLEN
He sang The Way You Look Tonight on American Idol. he is awesomely cute! and married -.-''''
JUSTIN NOZUKA
he has a perfectly awesome voice. he serenades from his heart.

both these men, sings well. they both make me melt, deeeep down my heart. ahaha! well, im just sharing bit of my views of these singers. hope you listen to them. ^^ and... hope you enjoy this video of justin nozuka.

2009-04-30T17:34:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 10TH MONTHSARY !
current song is dedicated to Zulhilmi

thank you for carrying the heavy books for me!
i seriously dunno what i'd do without you!
i know i step macho. that's what girls like NADIAH BTE M M do, you see.
Thank you for the laughs. Thank you for the comfort.
"Thanks" for calling me 'bdk kecik' when i wear specs.
(i dont look like small kid! i look smarter/nerd-er... -.-''' i dunno how is that any better la kn...)
btw, STOP taking candid photos of me in school uniform and hair tied...
UGLAYYY LAAA! i look damn unnecessary!!
Stop blowing through my ears and think its tickle-ish... its not...really.(HAHA)

2009-04-29T19:35:00.005+08:00

HAPPY 18TH BEEDAY ABANG AFIQ

good luck for yr A levels!
yea, he is my blood brother

mid year examinations are on, from tmr onwards,
good luck everyone! may the force be with you!

2009-04-25T20:48:00.007+08:00

(hope my expression turns out like that tmr... really)
my fear of things exploding, can turn me to the most cowardly person you'll ever see.

heres the story, i was watching WWE(eeeee! i know right...well, i watch cause i like John Cena OKAAAAY!) with dad. i was watching the teevee while eating my dinner. unexpectedly, i heard a spark. i thought it was coming from the teevee. really not expecting the teevee to actually black out at tht sec. not only it black out... the voice is still on. so i thought it was nothing. i turned to dad, asked what happened. he reached for the remote, yet, when he changed the channel the screen went crazy. it reminds me of 'the ring'.knowing how coward i am, i quickly ran in my room, shut the door... leaving my dinner on the table. i could smell the technology burning within the fresh air... there was a spark. luckily it didnt explode! if it would i'd faint from the shock. haha!

well, besides that, day was pretty much dull and mundane. haad a trip to bras basah and bugis street. thats all. &had school in the morning. btw, THANKS NAEM FOR THE SHIRT! i finally wore it outside. hahah! i got no white shirt. its my first. thanks ar naem. ^^ anyway, i need to get spectacles! like really soon. i cannot see!! i went to this new shopping centre beside bugis street. den, got this group of men models. goddamnit one of them was standing infront of me. i didnt even realise... i was walking towards this particular shop. den i turned back, theres more of them. THANK YOU GOD! there, i thought, i was in heaven. i was wrong, cause i cannot see their faces. all i could see are hot men. cause literally they are just 10 feet away from me... and i cant see them. their hott faces. i only could see their hott bodies. grr!! im so mad. mum kept saying "they are pretty! they are pretty!" i just felt like approaching them or something. TSK!

ANYHOOS, new teevee by tmr. huraay(?)

im missing someone terribly, but i prefer to keep this one feeling inside... idontknowwhy.

2009-04-24T19:10:00.006+08:00

TITLE FOR TODAY: YOU FUCKED UP MY LIFE.
i feel sucky today! no particular reason. its just boring. i have long not felt boredom in my life. so this is practically my first fews. i really think i need to get my rest. then, tmr i make my way to sch fresh! yea, i got school on saturday morning. hoemygod. so draggy! then im heading to Takashimaya. nothing fun there really. just going there for art stuffs. plastic folder and checking out width and length of canvas.

btw,
ZULHILMI! GET WELL SOON!! really.
love you..(i really didnt meant to be a bother)

tuuttututuuttutu~ man, MYE around the corner(go check corner). i want it to be over and done with. orals are over. i nearly fail my malay oral. really, i dont know what to talk about in the conversation. damn i sucked! though, i want to do well for my other exams. nothing special happened today. Nargis got bashed. two days before, Marie got bashed. april babies aye. well, me and marie played "makeover" just now. we looked idiotically retarded to the maximum. really. yea. nothing much to update just that,

i want to be paris hilton's new bff! not really, i dont like her. she low educated. eee! HAHAH! at least i dont hate her. ^^

P.S. twitter is kindda a really big thing now. i still find it cool if ellen just updates her twitter.. yaaay!

[edited]
check out this babe, shes better than me! i really gotta practice.

2009-04-23T21:03:00.008+08:00

No one tries to get to know one well enough to know who that person really is
-a blogger.

i have to alleviate everything. and control my temper/sarcasm. really, i'd just be rude without even noticing. then, people will start ignoring me. i cannot control. good thing it lasts for a day. look, just dont make me infuriate can? its easy, really. im furious to the fact that i cannot manage time. and i always need more than 7 hours of sleep. sleeping early is really not working for me, cause everytime i do, i want more sleep. i've been sleeping in class for no reason. my maths teacher actually saw me at a verge of knocking off with my mouth open. gosh, i wonder what was my maths teacher's real reaction. im too tired okay?! get the message through?? dont judge me!

anyway, today really suck. i dont care for now, cause today is going to repeat itself, tmr. "dont procrastinate, dont procrastinate" that two words, has been repeating in my head since the first time i got the mesg. really, i know! dont delay. i am not delaying anything! im actually catching up. gosh.. but thanks for the advice though... without that repeating in my head... i'll still be slacking by now. i know im stupid in education wise... really, im trying my best. your words are still in my head, dont worry.

im trying to get tabs from Patrick so tht i can start playing my electric guitar again. its been ages la please! i need to release my anger on sth right...? instead of releasing it on anyone else. oh yea, im starting to loathe my school uniform ALOT. its like made of a conductor of heat! it sucks! its damn hot! and my body then, will just secrete a salty fluid call perspiration. really, it sucks to perspire alot...

i have the last test for the week tmr, english summary. eng teacher was pretty mad at our class alright... hopefully, he has no more pms. yea, he... not she. pshh!

school is a wreck, really.

2009-04-19T22:21:00.007+08:00

I WANT TO GO BROOKLYN OR MANHATTAN PLEASE!
its my dream to just live in brooklyn or Manhattan South of Houston Street where by their apartments have those fire escape stairs. hah! cute. lets just hope i just dont end up in the deserted streets. it really scares me. well, why i want to live in brooklyn? i want to see the brooklyn bridge smart ass! like really, and ride those yellow cabs. i know singapore has yellow cabs too. but i mean, these yellow cabs are the ones i see in tv and read in story books.

well, i know New York is a busy place. but dont you think its pretty cool to experience how they, Americans, live. California would be nice too. with those carnivals near the beach. :D Central Park? i mean, you see, the atmosphere they live in is nice alright? pretty much i dunno where im going here. well, Brooklyn is not as hot as Singapore. not saying i hate Singapore's weather. i just like to feel cold. instead of having aircon in my house. why not a heater right? have hot chocolate every night!! with boyfriend by my side(if i have one at tht point of time...) you see where im going here? i just want to know how it feels to live some place other than Singapore. and i have chosen Brooklyn.

I sure want to travel. hope im rich enough in the future. live up to a month in Brooklyn with a friend or friends in a fire escape apartment. shop like crazy. visit whatever there is there.
you know what... dream on Nadiah.
not all what i hoped for will happen right?

2009-04-19T13:21:00.004+08:00

Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else's

2009-04-17T21:38:00.003+08:00

alright, days seems slacking and lazy these days. im always tired. TGIF! tmr must study. so, im definately sleeping early today. thats why my blog song seems really sleepy and laid back. chill manz. i mean, this year is pretty crucial to majority of us. scared/not prepared for national exams.

look into the bright side, after the much studying, we'll definately chill after the hard work. speaking of which, i must implant positiveness in my brain. cause i seem lazy all the time, and i always need someone else to think for me... "princess" treatment. when actually, i can do everything myself. alright, i need to change. im going to crap out whatever thats unneeded in my life. and whatever thats in my room. move my table infront of the window instead of facing the wall. lol. yea, i'll rearrange my room alright. i might not be strong... but i'll do it. sleep early, wake up early tmr. yay!
positivepositivepositiveness

i have not started mugging for the mid years yet. what im waiting for right? i dont know, really, i dont like my atmosphere. of my home. its really, like, wow, plain and, not really a study spot. its more of home sweet home. chillaxation. not studyzation. nono. wrong. i dont know. plus, assignments from teachers i still havent do yet! what am i doing blogging man?

i think im done here. i'll update soon.

do enjoy this video and my blog song while im gone.

2009-04-13T19:49:00.004+08:00

so today, im just going to post a video of my favourite boy. literally, if only he is my boyfriend(dream on nadiah....)-.-''''' so yeah, ENJOY IT!!!! REALLY, YOU WILL.

meet mac....

SUBSCRIBE HIM YAW! in youtube.com. he has a twitter. small juice! i find twitter idiotic... idky. truthfully, i've never tried twitter. go twitter.com! if you wanna try it out...

really, Mac is a cool dude! yea, his name is Mac... HE IS HOT/CUTE TOO. I dunno why i put a slash there. check out the rest of his videos my dearest readers. PEACE!

P.S. Zul White is very(yourface)adorable! (i dunno why is 'yourface' is there)

2009-04-11T22:59:00.007+08:00

oh yes, my plan of buying assessment books failed. like literally. but who cares. anyway, tampines 1 is fucking pack loads of huhas. humans i mean. really, why that much people. i barely could hear myself talking to my mum when i was in tampines 1. man, shopping malls can be too packed.

so yeah, i headed to the library with zul white. cool aye. zul white. its like as if hes some kind of british/english person or sth. anyway, yea, kindda did hw and grabbed books. idiotically, my mum has(bought a long time ago) the book(a malay novel, sue recommended. amazingly, im reading a MALAY NOVEL) i wanted to borrow. well, the last time i checked, she said she has never heard of the book before. when actually, she bought/read/love the book. you know how forgetful parents can get... den she just read the book i borrowed den. read away mum! though, after knowing that i want to read the book she bought... she recommended me all the books she bought. wow. i really didnt know mum loves to read. i didnt even know she bought that fucking loads of malay novels. nevermind, she has hobbies.

so okay, peeps, if i dont reply yr mesgs like after 3 secs or an hour... really, i dont hold my phone 24/7... god knows where my phone is now. i could just leave it under my pillow, by the house phone, on the dining table or even in my wardrobe. i'll just eventually find it after intensive continous vibrations(if u know wht i mean *winks*) could be heard through the wardrobe door. i really dont hold my phone. why? cause i really find it such an irritant. there is always sth else i wanna do and there is always a phone on my hand. so yea, apologies if i dont reply like how smses should reply... right? i dunno where im going here... yea, that includes me not even answering phone calls. saying im busy. cause im really not. sometimes people ask if im busy after a late reply. den i would just say yes and just leave my phone. and continue eating, watch the tv, jam... or anything not important. whoopsie! secrets out! who cares...

i enjoyed my day. and mum just dont believe i could read thick books. me neither... but if its cecily von ziegesar's books... bring it on baby! anyway, mid-years coming. mum really dont want me to stick by the books and just read like no one cares. really, i got no life.

jam legends here i come.
P.S. internet lame games facinates me... really.

i just had to add something else here... all this while i thought that FTW was the opposite of 'what the fuck'. you know, those wick people who thinking of such orgasm they go "fuck the what" you know? well, now, knowing how slow i am, i JUST realised that it means 'for the win' i was like "DAMNIT! IM SLOW!" i always have wished to catch things faster... and be hip-er den twitter. you know. i know you dont know. -.-''' really, im lame. and weird.

i talk to myself in my mind if i hear long/boring/idonthavetoknowyrstory conversations... if only there are such internal dialogs... when u can hear wht im saying in my mind, seriously, u'll gag.

2009-04-09T22:28:00.009+08:00

Daddy is awfully sick! i've never seen him this sick before... i believe he is stress with his work. gosh, i really pity him alot. mummy is by his side like forever. except when mummy and bro was in sch for the speech day.

guess what, i really enjoyed speech day. Mr Andrew Goh rocks to the maximum! loved his speech!! like alot! its superbly motivational. to farreha, i was listening to your speech. YOU WERE GREAT! & CONGRATS TO YOU! now im just glad its all over. no need to stay back after sch for practices. mummy say i looked nervous in the parade. brother said i was laughing as i turn to the kiri... den this one junior of mine, faiz, said i smiled when i marched? how weird can i get???!!!! fuck mann. i must have sucked! omg. i just realised, im the duplicate of a retard. eeee. giler! such feedbacks. means i really am crazy. what faiz saw abt me... i dont believe.

heard from Pat, Tampines 1 is open already. i think im going there tmr. alone? maybe. getting assessment books. lol. i think i just wanna window shop like crazy at tampines 1. maybe get clothes too. i just wanna free my mind for the midyearexams. i need to free my mind! i wanna head to the library on sat. borrow books. i need to read up too.(any recommendations?) study at the same time. i really got no life. sad.

i really need to start studying since speech day is over. wake up nadiah!

fact: i enjoy NCC alot.
im stepping down next two weeks. i swear im not feeling good abt it. its sad. yet, im really happy. no more cca! no more cca! well, actually, due to the fact im sec 5 next year, i still have to attend cca. bullsh-ee-tt!

its getting quite late now. its nearly 12. but im still not asleep yet. i guess i really dont want this day to end. well, not everything can stay as it is right?

P.S. so much for "partially" locking this blog. im not locking it.

2009-04-07T19:04:00.009+08:00

i'll be partially lock for awhile...
im not okay. im missing alot of things and someone right now...

i've given the patience and tolerance,
but i cannot bare it.
im deranged and literally mental.
im not joking, neither am i making fun of myself.
i have never been this serious.

i cannot stand the lonesomeness.
through the bare gap left in my heart.
there are words from mouths and minds of people,
that is bringing me sluggish.
im just covering all that with smiles.

i am persevering,
even if i know i would not make it.
i dont need my pause button.
i just need to go through this smoothly,
without doubts and disencouragement holding me back.

everything is just slowly bringing me down.
that horrible feeling is existing.
destroying bit by bit of me,
den worse will venture when im not paying attention.

sign of independence? do i need someone to talk to? or am i just thinking too much?

2009-03-30T20:52:00.003+08:00

I am so lagging. &im starting to hate school. firstly, the drama. next, the pressure. third, the longlong hours in shool. semua tak perlu. to be frank, school is suppose to be an enter and exit education "centre". okay. maybe CCA might be fun on tuesdays. but not more than that sey. and remedials will be useful for the ones taking national exams or basically the weaker ones. pfft. just hate school now.

Today is the 30th. seriously, whenever it states 30th on my handphone, it pops out a heart shape. lol. cute right? ahaha! happy 9 mthsary bby!!! you know how happy i am? its just that i cant show, im still sick. -.-''' i think i repeated that alot in my posts. lol.

im loving STARworld on mondays and tuesdays, due to 'monday night laughs' and usually tuesdays, after i come back from NCC, i watch STARworld to get me to sleep. lol. and everyday at 5.30, i would enjoy more of WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY. hahah! super nice show. i usually grab my crackers or icecream and have lotslots of fun watching Whose Line Is It Anyway. hehe. but for now, i could barely reach home at 4!! grrr. wells...

oh yah, i got alot of hw to do. plus files to hand in. somehow, my social studies teacher scolded me for not bringing my SS file. to be frank, I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT I HAD TO BRING THE FILE. unfortunately, when i asked my friends, 'any homework?' or 'anything happen in class?' or 'anything to hand in?' apparently noone mentioned anything about file.(or even tests.) so basically, i dont know anything...and i should trust my friends enough, that nothing was needed to be handed in. i should have asked my teachers(really). lol. apparently, it seems like no one cares about the class performance or even updating me. HAHAH. its okaaay. anyway, the point is, i dont get why my teacher have to scold me, when i didnt know at all!! WTFreak. oh yea, i got eng test this friday that i didnt know about, i heard my classmates talking about it. i was just shocked and asked for details. phew. i wonder what else did i missed out. alot i guess?

i think i wanna get 4Gig Mp3. hahah. i need mp3/mp4.

done~

2009-03-29T17:55:00.005+08:00

love this picture
i've missed two days of the first week of school. i am still sick. -.-''' i believe i've missed some school work. yea, got alot of homework. im left with literature and maths. unfortunately, i left my maths textbook, for homework, under my table... im half way through Social Studies. im too caught up with art on saturday. i was also caught up in having my sleep. i swear drugs work. ahaha! like really.

have you ever wondered why adults have very loud conversations? its either they are unhappy with each other... or they really DO have constant loud conversations. trying to substitute bickering with loud conversations? really, whats the difference?

speaking of which, me and my dad, both of us are sick. i think my bro is getting sick. mummy is like really trying her best to avoid us. lol. almost everyone is sick right now. i hate getting sick. because im feeling lazy ALL THE TIME. -.-''''

oh yea, i have to thank Marie for introducing me to Facebook. cause its the website besides blogger.com, i always visit. its the games that making me like facebook. eventhough its lame and really childish... yet, it still makes me fill my boredom. yet, burning precious time and its really ruining my eye sight. wells, i got to get in contact with old friends. hahah. good enough.

---

P.S. wonder what Z is doing now... i dont even know how he is... dont even know if he even bother about me at all. lol.

im done here.

2009-03-28T16:25:00.004+08:00

PARANOID.
both young. silent conversations. (yet)missing you crazy.

2009-03-27T19:50:00.004+08:00

mummy decided to watch confessions of a shopaholic today... i'll give it a 4 out of 5 popcorns. i love it ^^ im pretty sad today. i really didnt mind about school. its about something else. pretty much no one will understand...

the range of feeling confuses me. its not bringing me anywhere. im sitting still wondering. im pondering through the facts. i dont know if in the end of tonight, everything will be alright. where is the hurricane im afraid of? is it me who creates it? cause if i am. i want to get this over and done with. i cannot stand the curiosity, bitterness. all i ask myself these days is 'is this going to end?' i tried being laid-back, neutral, unconcerned. but it just keeps coming back, bugging me. i always question myself if im going to do anything about this. all my mind had was blank space and no justification. then how is this going to be? hanging? is anyone feeling the same way?

everyone meets anyone, anything can happen. i dont get it. then why one fights? why the brawl, the hatred, the tension, the split. in the end, you got to get over it. why cant one thing just adapt and adjust later on? unfortunately, later on we seem to think, why are we waiting so long...? are we wasting our time? in the end, all of us will think like a medieval person... really, i dont know what i should do now. i could simply note : "follow the flow". but i am not working towards it. im just doing the opposite. even if i have to knock some sense in me, i just think, quit questioning... just do whatever i want. but looking back at things, what do i really want to do?

just leave it unanswered. really.

2009-03-26T20:45:00.002+08:00

watching movie with mum this saturday!! confessions of a shopaholic. it premieres today. i thought of watching it with Zul either today,tmr or saturday. but unfortunately, i need my rest, according to the doctor. so mum invited me instead...^^ and i still havent had enough rest. i was dizzy the whole way through classes today. and i didnt think i can survive tmr... the fact that i always need mountain amount of tissues. i used 9 packets of tissues today. -.-'''' i dont think i could survive tmr. really. i even sweat for no reason. it really depends if i can come to school or not.

so today was mundane. like really. i told mum i really cant stand the uncomfortable surroundings. so tmr, im going to finish my art, literature, study physics, revise on malay(sadly, im really bad in malay) den i have to sleep... on saturday, im attending art class. im afraid if i cant go for school tmr... den im dead... no plate 3 results!!!

i miss white boy. saw his friend just now... lol. like random skali. we never talk like since forever. this always happens. like its sad. but i know, he'll be there. i guess? yea. its okay. nevermind.

Anw, TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR IS COMING TO SINGAPORE!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAY! they'll be against the Singapore football team. well, good luck Singapore. hehe. go TOTTENHAAAAAM!!! hahaha! im pretty excited, but i dont know when... i think its on May. and i dont think i can go. anyway, im not that big of a tottenham fan.

i think im done here.

2009-03-25T13:56:00.005+08:00

PILLS PILLS PILLS
super sleepy pills.

im at home now. i skipped school. i barely could wake up to my 'hope it gives you hell' alarm clock in my phone at 6.00am!! mum woke me up and asked if im okay. my broken, shattered man voice announced that i cant get up. mum saw me there, all so pathetic. she noes im already late to get ready for school. so she closed the door and just say that she'll bring me to the doctor at 12.00pm. gosh. i feel worse than usual. i thot my sore throat would vanish within hours. i slept early yest. guess it didnt work. ergh!

anyway, yest was the worse day ever for MOST people. the fact that ambulance had arrived at our school at 7.15pm. fainted cadet. wow. never did i ever saw anyone fainted that bad. people said she didnt eat? yea. why. lol. i didnt know what happened exactly but reading through blogs... yea, that brought the unfixed puzzle fixed. due to something that happened in HQ that made all this such a big issue. PRCS NCC GIRLS in turning worse den i thot. i didnt bothered much about what happened yest. i was already sick. i have no rights too. people cried yest. i even said to liyana(myAPC), hey, put down yr beret and cry, everyone is crying. lol. i didnt even feel like crying. cause i dont know anything. well, all i can say is that, KLA, dont be too guilty. your punishment to them wasnt even close to tough. but maybe about that cadet fainted thing... i didnt know how it happened. but seriously, ohmygod! wht really happened?

all i can say is that, Do not blame anybody for your mistakes and failures. like seriously, if somebody said u did something wrong. dont ever try to DEFEND yourself. because, if u THINK u know, that what u did nothing, but others see it as something wrong. then, itMUST be wrong. dont ever ONCE think you're always right. dont even SHOW your attitude infront of the people who knows you're wrong. you have to look at it in a way that this is something important. because, if people see you as a potential, but your attitude starts to rot... eventually, u take advantage of what you have. its totally WRONG. this person or people im referring to, dont ever show your attitude infront of anyone. cause we know you're totally fucked up with the situation. we are too. we are not war. we are trying to tell you all this things are serious. our reputation of OUR school is at stake. if it means nothing to you. den, i dont know what to say.

i am done here.

Rest In Peace to the eighteen-year-old boy who passed away to a sudden heart attack. eventhough i dont know you, what happened to you was tragic. in my opinion, you dont deserve to leave all your family and friends like that, i guess, god really loves you.

im really sorry to hear the tragic news...

(P.S. current song dedicated to eighteen-year-old boy...)

2009-03-23T20:32:00.002+08:00

i am still struggling
dont judge me. be patient. i'll work.

dont rush. cheer up. serenade or sing if you have to.
first day of school. people around are still emotional.
turn all those frowns upside down.
love me or loathe me. u choose. just tell. i'll give my distance.
disappointed with myself. it was like a race against time. only wish i could rewind. wish i could actually pay attention. fuck it. im not perfect.

i know my post is short. every few words meant my day. p.s. i still got assignments to be done. holidays isnt much of the ordinary holidays. so yea, last minute work.

2009-03-22T23:47:00.003+08:00

err, i just felt the need to update. tmr is school. amazingly. i am totally not ready for teachers revision and test papers and plain lectures. studying is not fun. i know majority of you readers agree. sometimes i just wish to visit white boy's sch. i literally miss him like crazy. he actually called just now. its like some sort of miracle... he never calls constantly. hahah! lol. but somehow, i just had to fill my stomach with maggi. that chances of having a conversation with him went... POOF!

speaking of which, im not a instant noodle fan. i kindda felt like puking half way eating maggi. dad even looked at me and actually looked away when i realised he was observing me eating. weird man. so yea. i detest maggi to touch my tongue! ergh.

anyway, i just wish holiday would end next week. or never end at all. i really want to sleeeeeep. like alotlotlot. mummy usually nags. but seriously, 9am every morning is not a good deal for me. cause i cannot sleep early. and Hilmi will always ask me to sleep early. -.-''' truth revealed, i cant. i wish i could. SERIOUSLY. i felt like taking sleeping pills. but girl my age? no way. so yea, i'll start humming... listening to music or plain reading. thank god i borrowed books, or else i ouldnt sleep at all. oh right, which reminds me, my sch library book was dued the friday before the holidays. gosh. here comes my fine. a few cents i bet? lol. who cares. as i was saying, yea. i got sleepless nights. grr. i'll end up sleeping at 1am or 2am... dn wake up at 9am. well, thats for the holidays. as for school nights? sleep at 1am wake up at 6am? hah. 5hrs of sleep is never enough for me. but yet, i still keep myself awake in class. ^^ whats my secret? just stay awake. LOL.

im really missing white boy. i keep mixing his name/nicknames all over my blog. idk why. anyway, enjoy this video below. good night people!

P.S. im into hiphop dancing. imma big fan of EKETC and SOREALcru. im here to share my views.

2009-03-21T18:16:00.004+08:00

MAMAMIA mi miss mi amigo! hehe.

today was 5hrs of CIP. you know how tiring it is to stand??? travel around asking for money? hahah. my junior, idk her name, she was SO NICE TO DONATE $10!!!!!!!!!!!! HO MAAH GAWWD! in my opinion, WHY THE FREAK YOU WASTE 10 BUCKS FOR YOUNG WOMEN'S CHRISTIAN ASSOCIATION FOR? well, she do have a great heart ^^
<3<3<3

hokays. whatever. im like really worn out and there is this kong asam(riz's word LOL) man, came up to me and had this conversation....
F man : you are not doing your job (puts coins in my tin)
me : if its my job, i'd get paid for doing this... thnk you for donating...
F man walks away...

P.S. F means FAT.

like literally... i couldnt be bothered asking people who look at me like they dont give a shit. people have lifes. and if people do not want to donate, i cannot force them. apparently, my tin, at that point of time was heavy enough. and excuse me, i believe, YWCA has earned alot. WITH the fact that my class and 4/3 class is helping out collecting money. sorry for not being enthu about the donation...FYI, if im rich enough, i would just donate $1000 to any needy association or shits. but seriously dude... if u so smgts, go ahead! take my bloody tin. ask people la! alamak!!! see im pissed off like crazy. grr. fact is, i dont feel angry at all. hahaha. i just find him stupid to actually call it MY JOB. when its not. its CIP. get it? community involvement. its a must-do thing according to my sch... i was just tired. too bad you're not understanding!

anyhoos, i had been going out everyday. like wake up at 9.00am, breakfast, morning talk shows after that, go out... since wednesday. tmr, is the last day of holiday and im not going anywhere. why? because, i have religious class in the morning... den finish my hw after that. kudos to the o level people. you people barely going out these days... well, for the people i know that is. jia you! work the hardest manz. to shila, just cry if u have to... u are studying your best. YOU CAN DO IT LA. chills

friday update, went out with Zul. We didnt had any destination. yea, we were clueless. we ended up eating pizza and lasagna at pizza hut, marina square. lol. i had mee siam and roti kirai in the morning. u know how full i was??? omgomgomg. *looks at stomach* i really gain alot this holiday. i kept eating outside. until bankrupt. ISYAH STILL OWES ME, $11 !!!! matao per kn? ^^ btw, i really love the fact that i had alone time with Zul. seriously speaking, all i could think of was him at that moment of time. i swear it felt great. to the extent i felt relieve. ^^

thats all for now.
will update soon.

enjoy this videos.

2009-03-19T22:02:00.008+08:00

today was topnotch. but yet, i dont find a reason why 60% of me is thinking about sth else. i had the slightest fear something bad is going to happen to me. but seriously speaking, i dont know what it is. its just a mixture of rejection and screw ups. fact is, i dont want to make matters worse. it seems like, even if im not doing anything, something will just glance through and that hurricane of trouble will hit me. its just that, im stuck to a chair and sense defeat can knock me off. literally, whatever is hitting me next, all i could do now is surrender. i really dont know what to do. only if i could explain this accurately. god, i'll feel more relieve.

belated celebration for hidayah bby today. cool ke per. she had temporary dandruff today. lol. i pity her like superbly. sorry though. all plans from isyah!! hahah! cake, food, water, girlfriends was super duper awesome. who was there? alot la. semua yang slalu jumpa kt sch la kn... damn fun lah. i feel so homey alright. cool kn?(semua pekik: TAAAAAAAAK!!!!) well, at least i had fun.(aku yay inside) wells, yea. hope holidays end without blues. cause after this holiday everything is pretty much cramp. aye-hole.

girls : faster, ask her question...
me: have u ever...
(inside joke)

edited revenge!
hidayah (yay finally a decent picture with hid!)i just love this picture

2009-03-18T22:12:00.003+08:00

damn. im pretty worn off today. walked alot. pretty much window shopping. mummy is finding coffee table. first off, me and my parents headed to OG. there was a sale going on. but apparently due to my fault, for waking up late, we had to head OG late and the result of being late is a result of having to queue. which me and mum hate about whenever theres sale. so yeah, plan was ruined.

dad suggested to go paragon. but i didnt want to. because i had a sudden morning crave for pizza hut. random as it was. yeah. i told dad. i want to get beef lasagna, bby's favourite, from pizza hut at Plaza Sing. lol. apparently bby had it when we went out together. i pretty much really miss him alot. yea, that whole meal remind me of him. ^^ tell you one thing, lucky thing my dad hates lasagna. hahah. i had it to myself. god knows how hungry i was. before even heading to pizza hut i was actually targeting any halal food at my sight. even the expensive ones.

saw marie and patrick while i was at plaza sing. and umm, yea, i walked around plaza sing like one crazy lunatic. well, i wanted to. cause its been ages since i got there. and umm, i kindda wanna let all my uneasiness out of me, so i entered every shop dragging mummy dearest along with me. and my favourite shops out of the whole shopping centre is the movie replica. it was super duper cool. whereby every each figurines has the exact same features as the actors or androids or ironman or yoda or even monsters. i swear it was the best day of my life. well, the fact that i saw alot of iron man figurines and alot of samurai swords. it was like as if i was the first baby that figured out candies existed in the world... LOL.

oh btw, i hate whats happening right now, cause unfortunately, ants are invading my room now. there are tinsy holes in my room. i didnt noe there were even holes!!! apparently its pretty tiny to be seen!!! ant-holes. tooty balls. now i have to inhale insecticides!! tsk. alright i think im done here.

P.S. i hate when males get angry. they really am scary when they are angry. i very scared. really.

2009-03-17T15:25:00.007+08:00

freedom to decide
we are all trying to justify the best of us.
We ask ourselves questions, we know no answers. we ask others the same, they return back no answers. what is there in life? blank space and future happenings? choosing between good or bad? thats our choice. how would we know its a better choice? thats when, 'people make mistakes' comes in.

theres no turning back when tht second of deciding occur. that second will past leading to regret or worthy. then, u'll wonder, whats next? better of it? or worse of it? when theres regret, are u going to forgive yrself and move on with yr life? or brood over the same mistake? if its worthy, would u stick and pause to that moment everyday and think its all perfect or venture all moment and learn as u go? everyone wants to be wise. no one wants to live life with regret. but, u'll realise, without regret, u wont learn. make it equal. make every choice u make worth and regret. you'll learn something as you go.

these days i've been wondering and thinking what i want to do with my life... not worth answering now cause problems and achievements will just drive through and make me change my mind about things i want to do. im just running with it smoothly. see where it ends up to. i know im going through my tough times now. but im making the best of it as i go.

you have your choice too. think abt it.

2009-03-16T19:46:00.002+08:00

EVERYONE HAS THEIR PROBLEMS

2009-03-13T20:18:00.002+08:00

goddamnit i really dont feel like myself. im KINDDA stress. but not really, trying my best to be laidback. i need Zulhilmi. seriously, where are you?? so basically i am slacking now. i'll like edit this sooner or later. pretty much i got scolded by parents unreasonably. i am their key to releasing stress. BODO kn? i really dont give a shit la abt my parents' nagging. i might listen sometimes. but other times, they just can fit their mouths in my butt hole. i dont care. i am still not in a mood since 3 days ago... i really need thursday&friday(maybe wed) NOW. its the only days i can be free. =(

"LOADING:miss independent"

2009-03-12T22:05:00.004+08:00

CHEER & CROSS COUNTRY TMR!
sat: PTM , NCC UNIT CAMP.
sun: NCC UNIT CAMP.
mon: SPEECH DAY REHEARSAL
tue: REMEDIAL(not sure yet if gg)/ STAY AT HOME
wed: STAY AT HOME
thu: GO OUT(not sure with who)
fri: GO OUT(not sure with who)
sat: 21 MARCH CIP (not sure can go not...)
sun: MADRASAH TEST.

2009-03-09T18:25:00.008+08:00

TANK TOP & POTRAIT IN RED ENVOLOPE
&a gallon of love

thank you for the presents. you left me stumped. ^^
i write bigbig hearts on you.

P.S. imma good massager. ($30 per 1hr massage anyone?)

P.P.S school had 8 free periods; talked abt experiencing shitting in pants, actually wet my pants. =X

29 APRIL : X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE anyone wanna come? ahaha! my bro's beeday seyyy!
RED JUMPSUIT APPARATUS, i cant make it to your concert(step like as if they visit my blog only!! HAHAH!). anyhoo, have fun marie and patrick. grr.

2009-03-08T21:43:00.002+08:00

my friends can be your strangers,
my problems can be ignored.
i dont want you to worry.

your friends know you more than i do,
your problems are more important than mine.
i want to worry about you.

my love can be yours,
my doubts can go fuck off.
you dont have to need me, really.

your love i need,
your doubts i worry.
i need you, seriously.

you already know me well,
my thoughts i keep them shut for now.
why do you still love me?

i want to know you more,
your thoughts i want to open now.
honey, i love you no matter what

2009-03-08T20:10:00.005+08:00

i cant recite or show how i feel
so the drama...

diam, bukan bererti kalah
diam, bukan bererti marah
diam, bukan bererti salah
diam, bukan bererti lemah
diam, seperti memandang cermin diri
diam, mengajarku memahami bersabar
diam, adalah memadam api kemarahan
diam, umpama bunga penyeri mereda gelora
diam, dibina dengan ambangan bulan mencari kebenaran...

i want to meet you. i might not show my wants. but believe me, i do want to... monday? please...

btw, this weekend, i have been going out like crazy. &yeah, homework still not done. i've been reading books. lol. my parents are pretty uneasy seeing me at home not doing anything... & yea, i got my nike already!!! YAAAAY! due to the fact i want it since two years ago. lol. YAY! FINALLY. yes, i am fucking happy right now. it would be better if all my problems would fade as well... seriously. i kept having this stupid signals and signs and things that i dont wanna think about but it keeps popping up in my head. i need Z, really... ONLY if you'd know how i feel. seriously. ilydear.

2009-03-06T22:36:00.001+08:00

Lost in the moment, Nobody knows.
you ready for this?

2009-03-06T20:22:00.014+08:00

i just had to steal this hayati. ahaha!

shes been a pretty good friend to me. i enjoy her company and im pretty much influenced by her to watch korean drama. lol. listen to korean songs, even when i dont understand what they are singing... pretend to understand her speaking korean too. LOL. she had recommend me books, guide me thru bit by bit in my studies. i swear i would not wanna forget yr friendship! ^^ i share pretty much everything with her. i tell her the bits of seccrets i have to her. she is crazier than me. looks may be deceiving. hahah! lol. i really dont mean anything. shes a pure muthumeatballsoup. shes such a friend whereby, shes there when u're down and shes there when u're happy. she could read minds too. -.-'''NOOT!(she just can know how i feel). thanks for the company to changi airport hayati. i had a blast. first try at fresh bulggogi. its worth all my allowance i got. ahahah. $13 altogther(mine&herdishes). and we were the only ones there. ahahah!

im currently reading this book. its the same writer as gossip girl. & i am loving this book right now. hahah. basically i can picture and follow the story. im not done reading this yet...
i find this book kindda cool too. ahahah! its a cute novel. read it! im not done reading it yet!!!
sorry but the pic is just too small la. the book title is borderland. its a nice book. its a bit more confusing den i thot. but i got the hang of it. there are two parts of the story. its pretty thick. err. if u're a strong reader, grab this. hahah. truthfully, im just 3/4 there. date due next week. lol.

most of the books i borrow are not no. one bestseller and stuff. im just trying reading sth different. i enjoy it much. ^^ ahahah.

2009-03-05T22:22:00.004+08:00

got scolded by mum for waking up really late this days. really, the time is just moving too fast. uhh, i got scolded for using the computer too much. seriously, i cant help it. i am not studying for social studies btw... hahah. chapter 5, bonding between singapore. -.-'''' seriously, i couldnt be bothered, eventhough there are alot to memorise. seriously, i dont care. even if my heart says i must work hard. my muscles just wouldnt move. my brain just fighting off the things i WANT to do.

had cheer practice just now, THANK YOU HAKIM, for the much sudden enthusiasm just what we needed! ^^ those of you guys who came and were practically enthusiastic too.. THANK YOU DOUBLYDOUBLY MUCH!!! I APPRECIATE IT ALOT. on behalf of marie&me, i apologise if we were shouting at you. seriously, we needed yr attention.... we're having our SHIRTS tomorrow!!!!! YAAAAY! I LOVE 4/4 SO MUCH! hehehe! ^^ yayyy! HOPEFULLY ALL OF US GO SEC 5 TOGETHER! ^^ yaay. okay. i shall stop now.

B, i wanna meet you can? soon. i really miss you... find a date, during march holiday, we go cycling or sth with your friends skali... if possible. LOL. bnyk plan, entah confident ke tk. ahaha! lol. meet soon. if possible... NOW.

2009-03-04T22:05:00.002+08:00

I MISS YOU !!
u had yr photoshot today B.

anyhoo, most of my friends are not doing well right now. guys/girls... relax okay?? hope the problems fade and leaving yrself being happy. seriously, its more fun being :). i know ppl have problems. i had mine too and it TOTALLY SUCK. really i just dont like looking at my friends sad. especially those who are usually are happy 24/7. mcm tak ada spirit. some are sick, some are simply having their problems.
HOPE ALL OF YOU BE FINE DURING MARCH HOLIDAYS!

oh yah, 4/4, cooperate for cheer please? its really coming. other classes are really united. we really dont have to embarrass another year again u noe. lets just unite? for this and next year. at least if the cheer is too difficult. voice it out, we'd do amendments. dont be afraid... please, at least just tell me, nadiah... the...~~peacekeeper~~. but personally, i really want this to work for our class. we might not win, at least dont embarrass ourselves. please??? *begging*

oh yah, im really kindda pressured with studies. i keep sleeping in class. trying not to. yet, CONFIRM, HEAD on the TABLE. &everytime i decide to just stare out the window and wanting not to think of anything. N LEVELS and O LEVELS just pop out my head. its like invading my social life. i must studystudystudy. ~~now i wanna pee.~~ on a lighter note, thinking abt yest's situation... im still happy. lol. really! Radiah&Liyana hugged me like crazy just now during recess, kindda really excited for me abt what happened yesterday. hehe! YAAAAAY MEEEE~!!!!! yea i freakin love what happened yesterday. HAPPY, BLESSED, CONTENT, ESTATIC, GLAD, SATISFIED, OVERJOYED, CAPTIVATED, INTOXICATED AND JUST FUCKING HAPPY. lol!

Hung out with Hayati & Olivia today after sch. KFC den Library. we really felt like shitting after KFC. food there contaminated sia!! lol. i missed you sia Olivia. ahahha! lol. random. i know, but i mean it! anyhoo, borrowed books. and this Hayati raped me mentally! seriously, u dont wanna noe how it feels like being raped mentally.... erghhh* adding on, Hakim and me are crazy about the album 'PUNK goes Pop Volume 2'. seriously, it rocks to the core! BAYSIDE AND FOUR YEAR STRONG IS IN THE CD! even ALESANA... knkn Hakim?????? its just a freakin awesome Album! buy it!

thats all.

2009-03-03T21:32:00.002+08:00

WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND

im irritated about a few people today. wont mention names. lol. so bad, no backstabbing. lol. btw, i swear i love my delta. HAHAH. i love u guys(girls) like crazy. so forunate to be in-charge of you girls. ^^ Radiah, Hayati, Olivia, Nabilah, Aqilah, Isyah, Shila, Maizurah, Omairah, Liyana, Hidayah, Wanyin, Trisha and Jaslin. i really sayang you girls. i really cannot wait for camp & stepping down that is. im so gonna miss all u girls. most of u are in express. grr. leavin prcs already ar. gd luck. hahaha. i am pretty tired today. and happy. and shocked.

after CCA, i saw someone. oh god he saved me from misery. hes the only one, that i can throw my secrets to. god knows how shock i was. I bet Radiah KNOWS how happy i am. ^^ i am happy. really, i am. its been so long since i had the same smile. lol. theres tests going on this week. eg, malay and chem(alkanes). i think? yea.

GET WELL SOON NARGIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

where'd you go?

2009-03-02T19:28:00.005+08:00

mondayblues.

damn, today was well-worn. i didnt enjoy every bit. seriously, i cannot stop thinking of... since morning to afternoon. i wanted to break down, but instead with mum arnd, public arnd, i cant. the little bits of what he use to do with me, reminise all the admirable times we had. hes such an adorable guy. and i seriously miss him. one small act of somone holding back their intention to yawn, reminds me of him. one small act of a similar line, that was used to be heard from him, reminds me of him. one bit scent of his perfume, put in mind, that he's there, but actually his not. one bus trip alone made me expect that his right there beside me. i dreadfully am sad and seriously, i cannot do anything about it. i cannot let him go, neither do i want to even think he still likes me... i cant bare it any longer. i keep questioning if i should give him a call to tell how much i miss him? should i just let him move on and let him go? why did we even started this fight...? i dont know. i cant stand holding back my tears. and just telling everyone im okay, when im actually not... what i want for my wishlist? him. thts all.

If I was wrong then I'm sorry
I'll stop this fight
Tonight
And this empty space left in this heart
To my left where you should be.
Don't let it say goodbye.
PLEASE